an egg in motion

I'm loath to even sit here, unsure of what words lie in wait. If there are even any words worth typing, let alone posting. But I feel the urge to claim this sense of concrete expectation. Forward-moving, positive, living expectation. As often as I've come here to whine, there is reason today to celebrate.

I took a risk. I produced. The outcome, out of my hands, isn't my worry. I did my part and in that there is deep satisfaction. The design, if I do say so myself, is beautiful. Clean. Clean like my house will never be. Clear like I'd like my mind and heart to be. (Here, before I digress, I must remind myself: baby steps.) I'm given to chaos and color, so that I could create something so crisp. . . it's a mystery that's beyond me. And like all my best artistic endeavors, it feels not of my own hand.

I like when I remember that I am only the egg.

There have been times when I've let the channel take me where it will. Existed, briefly, in that state of hyper aware release, comfortably traveling in the dip of my spoon. Obstacles, another's responsibility. My only responsibility, to trust. It's a choice to live there. And one I allow my penchant for and frankly, my enjoyment of misery to prevent.

This year, however, has begun with two bold and positive choices. Opportunities weren't so much offered, but I asked for them anyway. Trusted the Hand when it pointed the way. I actually made the decisions and to my great surprise, followed through with the requests. (And not just by shout-wishing in my head. The words formed out loud. Audible even to other people.) And all the while I forgot, for some strange reason, to tick off a list of negatives. To allow my fear of the no to prevail. The word fail briefly lost its meaning.

On Saturday, I leave to go snowboarding. I can't think of a better way to begin the year than with this bit of adventure in the company of good-hearted and fun-loving people who don't mind that I invited myself to their party. When I get back, someone may have judged the very clean hat I tossed unsolicited into the ring. But the beauty of it is, it's none of my concern. A body in motion stays in motion and I'm telling you, my friends, that this will be a good year.