dispatch from dallas: unleashed
Dear Gentle Neighbor Lady,
I'm writing on behalf of my cousin Allyson's friend Rebekah. She lives next door to you and recently had the opportunity to make the make the acquaintance of your lovely canines. As she wasn't formally introduced and as she happened to be running for her life at the time, she didn't catch their given names so if you don't mind, for the sake of this missive we'll refer to them as "Pitt" and "Bull" herein.
Rebekah is concerned about her budding relationship with "Pitt" and "Bull," who she met today as they were on what was obviously their morning constitutional. She is worried that they got off on the wrong foot, that she inadvertently might have done something to offend them. Her only thought, now that she considers the incident, er. . . meeting is that perhaps "Pitt" and "Bull" had some interest in the trash she was placing in her outdoor trash receptacle, trash that contained the remains of last night's dinner. So you understand, last night's meal was a delicious rack of lamb (you know, the kind with the little white hats), bite-sized red potatoes seasoned with rosemary and a delightful side of asparagus. Rebekah and her husband Chad had very much enjoyed the meal themselves and so she understands that "Pitt" and "Bull" with their superior canine sense of smell, would also have discerned what a delectation it was and might simply have been requesting, in their pittish and bullish way, a share of the remnants.
If this is the case, she'd like to apologize in advance for any lack of generosity resulting from misunderstanding on her part. But given "Pitt"'s barking and growling, "Bull"'s teeth gnashing and slobbering, and her own panicked sweating, screaming and sudden, uncontrollable, fear-driven urge to poo she hopes you (and they) will forgive her.
Considering the awkwardness of their first meeting, she has asked me to tell you that she would like to try again. It is important to her that she establish a better rapport with your dogs (after all, it's the neighborly thing to do) and thinks that perhaps if they met under more, shall we say, controlled circumstances, they might get along a bit better. With this in mind, she'd be happy to bring over the leftovers from tonight's dinner, a gorgeous veal parmesan (but only, of course, under the condition that dear "Pitt" and sweet "Bull" aren't lactose intolerant) if you'd only promise to keep your RABID F*CKING DOGS ON A F*CKING LEASH!
Thank you kindly for your time.
Sincerely,
Jill (Rebekah's friend Allyson's cousin)
I'm writing on behalf of my cousin Allyson's friend Rebekah. She lives next door to you and recently had the opportunity to make the make the acquaintance of your lovely canines. As she wasn't formally introduced and as she happened to be running for her life at the time, she didn't catch their given names so if you don't mind, for the sake of this missive we'll refer to them as "Pitt" and "Bull" herein.
Rebekah is concerned about her budding relationship with "Pitt" and "Bull," who she met today as they were on what was obviously their morning constitutional. She is worried that they got off on the wrong foot, that she inadvertently might have done something to offend them. Her only thought, now that she considers the incident, er. . . meeting is that perhaps "Pitt" and "Bull" had some interest in the trash she was placing in her outdoor trash receptacle, trash that contained the remains of last night's dinner. So you understand, last night's meal was a delicious rack of lamb (you know, the kind with the little white hats), bite-sized red potatoes seasoned with rosemary and a delightful side of asparagus. Rebekah and her husband Chad had very much enjoyed the meal themselves and so she understands that "Pitt" and "Bull" with their superior canine sense of smell, would also have discerned what a delectation it was and might simply have been requesting, in their pittish and bullish way, a share of the remnants.
If this is the case, she'd like to apologize in advance for any lack of generosity resulting from misunderstanding on her part. But given "Pitt"'s barking and growling, "Bull"'s teeth gnashing and slobbering, and her own panicked sweating, screaming and sudden, uncontrollable, fear-driven urge to poo she hopes you (and they) will forgive her.
Considering the awkwardness of their first meeting, she has asked me to tell you that she would like to try again. It is important to her that she establish a better rapport with your dogs (after all, it's the neighborly thing to do) and thinks that perhaps if they met under more, shall we say, controlled circumstances, they might get along a bit better. With this in mind, she'd be happy to bring over the leftovers from tonight's dinner, a gorgeous veal parmesan (but only, of course, under the condition that dear "Pitt" and sweet "Bull" aren't lactose intolerant) if you'd only promise to keep your RABID F*CKING DOGS ON A F*CKING LEASH!
Thank you kindly for your time.
Sincerely,
Jill (Rebekah's friend Allyson's cousin)
posted by jill at 10/21/2005 10:07:00 PM
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