a tribe for all times

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of urban tribes. You know the idea that we city dwellers, far from the ones who birthed and raised us, form familial bonds with those we meet along the way. We adopt little sisters and big brothers, mother and father figures who oftentimes after a time know us better than the ones we call "real." We create languages all our own, share insights and understandings that anyone not of our tribe can't possibly comprehend. We laugh and fight and cry and help each other move from one tiny apartment to another for no payment greater than pizza and beer. We complain, but we also defend. We love.

I've been part of several different tribes over the years. And I'm part of one now. I think I thought, when I'd really given it any thought at all, that the past ones were no more than trial tribes. I'd been an itinerant loner, looking for her tribe, wandering in search of just the right fit. Just passing through, thanks, no need to inscribe my name in the family bible yet.

But then last weekend, I enjoyed a four-hour brunch with some friends from high school/college and it was as if no time had passed. The comfortably understanding looks shared over our iced teas, the familiar teasing, the same eyerolls of annoyance at the same irritants. The word delightful comes to mind and the rush of affection for these girls, if possible, more intense than when we shared our lives and living quarters on a daily basis.

And then that same night, I had dinner with my friends Pamela and Bill and their little girl to whom I'm allowed to play the adoring aunt. And it felt like home. Because it is.

And then after, I met with some others, others that I'd call my current tribe. And we laughed and drank and in a thousand non-verbal ways communicated our connection and I felt sorry for the couple at the table visiting from out of town. I'm sure they have a tribe of their own, but it wasn't ours. And ours would never be theirs. You see, he didn't get the joke about the coffee-maker. And she, she made her infant son wear a helmet to bed, so that his head would only ever be perfectly round.

Three tribes in one day. Not so bad.

And then it occured to me, that for all my complaining in years past and if I'm honest, the year present, I've got a tribe at work, too. Such smart, motivated, interesting people, who forgive my lack of corporate ambition and believe in my talent despite myself. I've got a few brothers, more sisters than I can count (truly exceptional women who've been confidants and mentors more objective than most) and even someone I'd call Uncle if he'd let me. We spend too much time together, and in truly stressful situations not to form the tightest of bonds. Sure it's all business, except when it isn't.

Which brings me to my friend Jen, one of those truly exceptional women from work, who only a few years older than I, has made an enviable career in PR. She's one of those people who makes miracles happen behind the scenes, who helps create a brand for a network or business, government or charitable organization and gets very little glory in the process. And she's truly great at what she does, which is why I sought her out for advice one day and was rather pleased to learn that inequibility in title aside, we spoke the same language and became fast friends.

When she moved to Sacramento a few years ago, to go experience a different sort of life, a life in which she's tackling the role of supportive wife and amazing mother to her little girl, she remained a touchstone for me. And I hope, at times, I for her. She's still part of my tribe. And so a few weeks ago, I was thrilled when she called to tell me she was pregnant again, this time with a little boy. She is, after all, the sort of woman who should have several children. She's just so very good at it.

And now, if I might digress a moment, I come to you, my bloggy friends. You are part of my tribe. Sure we don't know each other face to face, but over time we've gotten to know significantly more than each other's writing style. We've become for each other, I like to think, an invisible tribe. We support each other through the thick and thin of it, applauding successes and offering words of wisdom and comfort when they're needed most. After all, words, in our community are all we have.

Though, now that I've written that, I'm hoping that's not completely true. Because today, or tonight, or whenever you're reading this, I need more from you. I need your good thoughts and if you've got them your prayers for my friend Jen and her little boy. I leave it at that for now and when all is well, I'll share more. But please, send those good thoughts and prayers toward Sacramento. Think them, pray them, write them with all you've got. And know that in return, that you've got mine for you and your tribe now and for whenever you need them most.