singlets are funny

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Believe it or not, these people are going to be famous. And I'm just counting the minutes until they are because then I can sue them for all the pre-fame abuse they inflicted upon my fragile body, my delicate ego. Seriously, I was beaten. (And see that headgear Annie's wearing? That's new. I had no such protections.) Sure the bruises have faded, but I've still got the emotional scars and cauliflower ear to prove it. I've got photographic evidence should the judge ask. I've got tear-smudged journal entries.

It's funny, though. I still love most of them and have deep affection for the others -- yes, I know, it's all very Patty Hearst -- except Rob, that is. Because I don't know him very well and back in the day he was too cool to go out with me. And as I inferred above, I scar(e) easily. But he's still funny. And a lot can be forgiven in the name of funny.

So, Rob, it's official. . . I forgive you. Do you feel mysteriously better? Do you feel suddenly free and weightless now that the pall of my resentment has lifted? Did I ever mention, that I don't even LIKE blonds? So, there.

Dude. This stalker stuff is coming way too easily, so I'll stop now. Watch "The Lance Krall Show" -- Monday, April 18 at 11 p.m. on Spike TV.

You'll laugh. I promise.

Here's a little taste: Clock Trouble

Oh, and by the way, that's Sarah (Hi Sarah!) with the chair.