raison d'etre
So. I'm going to make this quick and easy. My bangs and I have decided -- at rather long last -- what we're going to do with our life.
We're going to be -- now, please. . . contain yourselves. . . -- a LIFE COACH!
Sweet knee-collapsing, bowel-releasing, run-into-the-stands to kiss your mama relief!
*Confetti raining*
It's a decision!
*Ticker tape streaming*
And we've MADE IT!
*High School Marching Band swaying and bobbing and high-stepping*
All by ourselves!
*Zoom in close on shifty eyes and shady bangs for honesty shot.*
Okay, well. . . not really. Actually. . .
Actually, it isn't even our idea. But, hey, we're embracing it as our own. And that's almost the same thing.
We were told by a somewhat young, very kind, slightly tipsy acquaintance-friend we've only met three or four times, (who's apparently never read this or this or this or this or she might have thought better), that she would pay good money to have access to our counsel.
"I don't mean to cheapen it," she said earnestly, "but I'd pay you."
She'd PAY us!
US!
To coach her. (Because between you and me, sister's already got a lot on the ball.)
In life.
Seriously. Can you believe it?
We can't either.
But my bangs and I have always been service-minded individuals and humbly believe that to answer the call of those in need -- while sometimes time-consuming, emotionally draining and often annoying -- is the greatest gift we can give humanity.
For a price, of course.
So. Consider the shingle up. The door open. The tea steeped. The couch pillows fluffed.
We've lined up a yoga consultant and an incense vendor. We're having the sweat lodge installed next week and our "Know Yourself, Love Yourself" diagnostic test will soon be available online.
We've practiced our thoughtful, "Mmm-hmms," our careful, "Mmm-hmms?," our encouraging, "Mmm-HMMS!"
And we think we're ready.
After all, how hard can it be? Those who can't do yada yada yada.
To get the ball rolling, we're offering an introductory special -- FREE advice to the first twenty-five people seeking well-thought-out and grounded guidance in their lives. Just email us at egginspoon@hotmail.com and we'll post your questions (anonymously of course) along with our sagacious answers in subsequent posts.
It's okay.
Don't be nervous.
We're here for you. My bangs and I, we're listening.
We're going to be -- now, please. . . contain yourselves. . . -- a LIFE COACH!
Sweet knee-collapsing, bowel-releasing, run-into-the-stands to kiss your mama relief!
*Confetti raining*
It's a decision!
*Ticker tape streaming*
And we've MADE IT!
*High School Marching Band swaying and bobbing and high-stepping*
All by ourselves!
*Zoom in close on shifty eyes and shady bangs for honesty shot.*
Okay, well. . . not really. Actually. . .
Actually, it isn't even our idea. But, hey, we're embracing it as our own. And that's almost the same thing.
We were told by a somewhat young, very kind, slightly tipsy acquaintance-friend we've only met three or four times, (who's apparently never read this or this or this or this or she might have thought better), that she would pay good money to have access to our counsel.
"I don't mean to cheapen it," she said earnestly, "but I'd pay you."
She'd PAY us!
US!
To coach her. (Because between you and me, sister's already got a lot on the ball.)
In life.
Seriously. Can you believe it?
We can't either.
But my bangs and I have always been service-minded individuals and humbly believe that to answer the call of those in need -- while sometimes time-consuming, emotionally draining and often annoying -- is the greatest gift we can give humanity.
For a price, of course.
So. Consider the shingle up. The door open. The tea steeped. The couch pillows fluffed.
We've lined up a yoga consultant and an incense vendor. We're having the sweat lodge installed next week and our "Know Yourself, Love Yourself" diagnostic test will soon be available online.
We've practiced our thoughtful, "Mmm-hmms," our careful, "Mmm-hmms?," our encouraging, "Mmm-HMMS!"
And we think we're ready.
After all, how hard can it be? Those who can't do yada yada yada.
To get the ball rolling, we're offering an introductory special -- FREE advice to the first twenty-five people seeking well-thought-out and grounded guidance in their lives. Just email us at egginspoon@hotmail.com and we'll post your questions (anonymously of course) along with our sagacious answers in subsequent posts.
It's okay.
Don't be nervous.
We're here for you. My bangs and I, we're listening.
posted by jill at 3/14/2005 12:24:00 AM
<< Home